Kids,

What do you get if you slap on some bullshit jargon on an inanely simple task that is rumored to be hard to do? A “Communications Coach”!! Meet Amy Hertz who writes for God’s own website - www.oprah.com. She needed a John Artise to help her talk to other people … to get her way with others. She has a problem bigger than communication ya think???

So Mr. Artise or Ms. Artise (whatever the preference) “has been in the business of communication for close to 30 years, and administered more than 5,000 communication style assessments to people in corporate outplacement and training to investigate language styles”. Guess what he discovered after all that exhaustive research? That all of us are fittable into 4 (sterotypes) communication categories: Feelers, Sensors, Intuitors, and Thinkers.

Listen, the buck stops here. The world is not a simple place to live. 6 Billion people cannot be classified in 4 neat groups by some silly consultant. If you read the descriptors you quickly realize “Boy, I sure know a million other people who won’t fit in any of those (crap) buckets”. True, you are as unique as the next person my child. Don’t let anyone fool you to think otherwise.

Why am I not on CNN, huh? Why does someone armed with some bullshit research get face time with you only to spread rumors? True, it is fun to read about labels and try and think of the, oh, 5 or 6 people you know that fit.

The truth is, Amy, start by crossing off the title of your silly article. It is not about getting what you want from anyone, it is about being yourself in the true sense and approaching each problem with sincerity. The same boss who is today a Feeler may tomorrow be a Thinker. And you won’t recognize this transition easily because in your mind, you’ve labelled him or her or it as a Feeler. Instead of spending your time memorizing these labels, spend more time working on your approach. If you change yourself constantly to suit the needs of the other party, then who the heck is the real yous?

Amy writes early in the article “My requests were falling to the bottom of most people’s list of things to do. I couldn’t get anyone to cooperate”. So babe, let’s say you approached someone who is a Thinker (”These people play by numbers and facts. They are logical and realistic, and they will pop any idealistic balloon by citing a similar situation in which someone failed”). So what? Your request is still the same - you need your pencil sharpened. So how are you going to fluff up the fact that the other person has to do work to make your life easier? “Say Bob, the pencil is about 6 inches long and 1 inch across and I think will need around 5 turns at the sharpen ….. ” when he cuts you off saying “no way kitty cat, Jack o’er there lost a finger in that contraption; just use a pen”. Or do you think he is going to head over to the stationery corner any faster than he would have, unless he really wanted to?

Or maybe he was an Intuitor (”The Intuitor thinks in terms of the conceptual and long-range plans; she’s a problem solver but not necessarily interested in sticking around to implement solutions — she’d rather move on to the next puzzle”). Would you now say “Bobby Bob, my boss keeps complaining that he is finding it hard to read my writing because I tend to write fast (twirling strands of hair) and that a pencil might slow me down and his wife won’t be such a bitch no more because he won’t complain of eye stress. So I need to keep him happy because he is considering me for a promotion next quarter … ” only to realize Bobby Bob is already talking to Jack.

I can go on, you know?

I hate labels. So, don’t you dare label me you label-lover you! This article (not mine you ass! the one Amy wrote) is a prime example in uselessness. Thank you.