12.04.07
fake google money
Kids,
Bow in the presence of greatness. Bow in the presence of Fake Steve. Bow, bow bowwow wowow wow WOW! He has me wet, baby! You know how we love to see nude celebs; well, he just snapped off Google’s halter top with an expert flick of his thumb and index.
I’ll tell you who makes money on AdSenseless. Google. You little scrappy website owner you, how much moolah do you rake, huh? Pittance. Unless you’re a wham-bam-thank-you-spam splog and believe me a lot of you idiots click onto those websites. Yet we all sign up for such a service in the hope of making money off the blog.
Which IDIOT clicks on these ads? Who wants to see more ads? I’ll tell you why you fuckers don’t mind seeing ads on websites. BECAUSE YOU GET THE CONTENT FOR FREE! Or so you think, while this surrepticious “google analytics” collects your information, only to sell it to companies. Makes you feel like they’re just one big fucking “telemarketing” gig that got lucky with ads online. True, they came up with text ads and I’ll give them props for that idea.
But Fakey Stevey lists a shit load of other ventures that generate no cash. Google Pack, Earth, Orkut, Maps, Street View (aieee!), Ride Finder, Transit, Checkout blah blah blah generate no cash today. They also won’t generate cash tomorrow, unless Eric is a reptillian who knows how the world is going to be in 10 years and he is just laying the foundations for it now. I find that likely, er, not.
As long as you cheapsters click on those silly ads, Google will thrive. Not only will it thrive, but it will continue to puff up the little arrogant heads of those “oh look @ me, I’m smarter than you” gerks (geeky jerks). YouTube is “the biggest no brainer in the history of the earth” because (for a short period of time), a bunch of kids threw money (actually the investors did) at hosting these videos long enough for Google to think it was worth the chump change. After that who cares? SHAME on you Google shareholders. You let these guys bask in the glory of their superheated egos, while all you do is froth at the mouth at the unbelievable valuations.
Maybe Google will buy this blog and rename it “Google No.Bullshit”. Heck, I’ll sell for a million bucks and free food at their “Googleplex” (goddddddddd!)
12.03.07
helping liars and seriously stinky bullshit succeed
Kids,
Facebook is an example of what happens when you see the forest and miss the trees. Like eBay coughed up a billion and and half of cold hard cash for Skpe, Microsoft coughed up $240m for Facebook. eBay is now regretting Skype and even looking to sell it off, and someone from Microsoft is going to lose their job over this investment, trust me.
How does such ludicrisity get promoted? Well, as Superman’s dead uncle once said “With great power, comes great responsibility”, people like Anne Zelenka need to realize the power they hold when they work for hacks like GigaOm. The best way to help someone succeed in today’s connected world, is to constantly write about it. Remember Enron? Remember all those reports praising their antics? These valutions are ridiculous and you must know that behind them are greedy VCs and managers looking to make a quick buck. Poor you thinks that Facebook actually creates value and end up investing in it (shame on you Microsoft shareholders). Facebook has a 23 year old founder, which is not crazy on it’s own - lots of smart people are young and I applaud them, even at my age. BUT the coterie that surrounds this hype, is using Zuckerberg’s age to define Facebook as the holy grail.
Really. It is nothing more than an electronic yearbook. With the way their “Beacon” ad platform is fucking up, this is not a monetizable idea. It is a really cool idea, but you are not going to make money on it. It is also NOT revolutionizing any old shit. It is playing up on the one brief notion of “hey, wouldn’t it be cool/funny/weird/odd/horrible/awesome (you choose) to know where that old school buddy/enemy/frenemy/sonofabitch (you choose) of mine is right now”. How long is that shit going to last? In a sea of social networking websites, it is nothing fancy. Yeah, yeah, they have a feature or two that is cool; whatever.
Bullshit packaged in neatly written articles is not going to make the stink go away. In a couple of years, we’re all going to see the shakeout and I hope the bastards who do this for a living (hyping shit up) get socked where it hurts because I was just forced to see the groveling of these silly writers (I can’t escape it!!! every bloody wherever-I-go). The cacaphony is mindnumbing. Will the real Slim Shady, please stand up?
Believe me, this is not a useless post.
power 25
Kids,
Is it just me or is it weird to see some brown and yellow faces in a pale sea?
http://money.cnn.com/galleries/2007/fortune/0711/gallery.power_25.fortune/index.html
12.01.07
why america is the greatest
Kids,
I’d like to correct Hunter’s comments by saying that we’re not created in God’s image. Please!
Hunter said in his post “And that is, in a word, insanity. It is a flaw in the fabric of the world. We are, apparently, monstrous creatures, and if we are truly created in God’s image than God would have to be a more petty creator than we can possibly imagine. It seems more likely we are beasts.”
We are insane no doubt. We are monstrous creatures, no doubt. And that is why America is great. Just follow my train of thought here.
I just finished up seeing The Good Shepard on DVD and I got to tell you that it is very fascinating to think about the post-war ops that America ran in those days. Nowadays we have idiots running wars. And America is great because her people’s aspirations were not simple. It was to take over the world, which I might add, she did and has had in her power since years long gone. That is why this is the greatest country there ever was and ever will be, period. If you look at other countries, what are their aspirations, huh? To enslave its people to make us cheaper goods? To keep it’s populace up at night so that it can take calls from one of our red neck brothers in Mississippi whose cell phone doesn’t work? To kill it’s citizens while having them mine cheap blood diamonds for us? It’s all for us, baby. Think. Think about how America’s aspirations did not just include economics, but it was to take over the world. A la Dr. Evil.
Anyways, Hunter, that was a different topic but I felt that it was somehow all interconnected. I know you are a spiritual person who loves God. Sorry to shatter you belief, but all of it is either based on books written by humans or anointed as the holy word of God by us humans and frankly, sir, according to your own admission, we’re a crazy fucking insane bunch.
Yet again I say, be skeptical. Think for yourself. Stop reading the lines and start reading in between the lines. We are TRULY an insane bunch, a vile and vicious group. But the good lord gave us the 6th sense and me the 7th, to tell y’all to use your 6th. And always remember, America will be the greatest nation on the planet. Even on Mars.
response to blogcruiser
Kids,
One of my groupies, blogcruiser, responded to my ron paul won’t win post after I read the Daily Kos article. Personally I think my post was offensive so I am sorry about that, but aren’t the best-for-your-health foods the yuckiest? Truth stings. I am sorry but Ron Paul ain’t gonna win.
blogcruiser writes that “All I can say is maybe times are changing. The people are looking past looks and speaking and listening to the content. I think the people realize a spin is not going to make this country better. The truth, honesty and hard work might.”
Sir/Madam, you don’t know what you’re talking about (said in a southern accent respectfully). People are not looking past looks. Do you ever watch television? TV content = everything about looks. If content was supposed to matter and needed to be “smart”, then why aren’t we seeing more shows like Jeopardy? The closest we can come to is “Are you smarter than a 5th grader”. Don’t be so optimistic pal. The Dutch Uncle loves you and respects you but you’re delusional. And you’re not alone. We all are delusional if we think non-good looking content matters.
In America, the loudest voice wins. Everything has a dose of extra hype in it. Vista was so hyped up, then you know what happened (you do, right?) If one wants to get his/her point across, in America, then one needs to dress it up with enough bullshit that people get carried away in the moment and forget the message. That is why you have negative campaigns. It is like “hey look at this fucker, he is so damn nasty that he did this, this and this” all in an effort to make the poster look smart.
Looks are everything brother. EVERYTHING. Without looks, I’m just a silly old smart fella. If you were ever in the dating game, then you knew its all about the looks. Nice guys finish last and that is where Ron Paul is unfortunately going to be in the line. Sorry, I call it as I see it.
I’d rate this post 9/10, uselessnessly speaking.
11.30.07
the liars at linkedin
Kids,
Have you ever used this LoserTool? Are you the kind of person who is excited when she/he gets a request for an introduction because you feel like you’re networking? Have you had your stomach sink to the pit when someone refused to accept your invite or request to talk?
Welcome to the world of lies that is linkedin. Read this interview run passively by adam lashinksy. How unquestioning is his review? The nye fellow says they’ll make a hundred million next year and they have 17 million users now. I got off my lazy ass and punched in a few numbers and am still shocked that no one is calling nye’s bluff.
If he is going to make 100 million dollars next year, how is he going to get there with less than 10% of his users paying for this LoserTool? I’ll never pay for this crap (unless my employer buys me a subscription) because all I need to do is add as many people as I can and expand my network. If they were gullible enough to accept a stranger’s, i.e. me, invite then why would they not agree to pass on my request for an introduction? You would, wouldn’t you? Especially if you saw that I have 10000+ contacts, so now I automatically look important to you.
nye is a liar. Those numbers don’t match because no one in their right mind is paying 200 bucks a pop for their most expensive (or as they bill it - most economical) subscription. The cheapest one is just too cheap to use. The middle one is the only one left (and hence it is it’s most popular one). nye is probably going to canned next year. This LoserTool was dead a year and a half ago when they missed the social networking bus. Which idiot at this company missed that opportunity especially when they were exactly where they needed to be to take advantage of this revolution. Did that person get bounced because he realized he effed up?
mike arrington
Kids,
I don’t know what to make of mike arrington.
Is he more of an electronic loud mouth or actually doing something valuable other than raking in the dough for his “new media company”?
All day you get these posts about what scrappy two-bit startups up in the bay area are developing. All day. Day in and day out. And not a dime is to be made by us. I wonder who he is really serving and if there is any use to his news at all. I think we’re all caught up in the hype that was the Million Dollar Homepage.
Zopa to launch in the US. You’ve gotta be kidding me. A “peer-to-peer lending startup” is what again? There is something known as good useful reporting and then there is a post about something called Zopa. All of us complain that there is information overload on the Internet. I beg to differ- I think there is a bullshit overload on the Internet; good useful-to-my-life stuff is very hard to come by and is drowned out by these bits of perfect uselessness.
I’ll tell you what is useful in life: don’t be fooled by the experts. They want you think that they know, but believe me, they don’t. Hey, that makes me an expert on experts and so don’t buy a word of what I’m saying OK? Which is exactly the point - have your own opinion by straightening up that bent backbone and listen to the crowd. And me, sometimes.
yet another outlook tool
Kids,
WTF! You need more tools for silly old Outlook? It bugs me to see joksters like “Boxbe”, “ClearContext” and “SendShield” get some serious marketing cred on a “popular” blog like GigaOM. Seriously, were the GigaOMers paid to write about this crap?
As if Outlook isn’t slow enough or courted enough by these little bastards, we continue to get hammered by these guys. Seriously, someone is actually funding email tools. All three websites look like the same, looking like they’ve just fed off each other’s energies or lack thereof. OK, let’s go through them shall we, class?
Boxbe lets you “easily create an email guest list so that you can make sure you receive email messages from people who matter to you — friends, family, co-workers and even entire domains” … duh! It also “basically creates a Boxbe-folder, which allows you to carefully sift through everything, and classify it as you deem fit” … duh again! What, you want us to actually do work? Actually create an email guest list? Like I have nothing else to do. Tell me what YOU are going to do for my inbox spam clutter. Sounds like a bunch of crap for a scrappydoo startup trying to tackle spam. Spam is not going to go away people, just like how you can never get rid of those teleannoyers.
ClearContext “has developed an “inbox management” add-on that has a more project-centric view of your inbox and automatically helps you keep track of specific projects and related items such as emails, to-dos and calendar items in a highly automated manner. There is an interesting feature in this software: colleague spam.” They think you’re stupid. Really. I already keep track of my projects, to-dos and calendar items - yeah, they’re called reminders.
I’m not going to say much about SendShield. If you’re too damn stupid or lazy, and believe me, so many clients and colleagues send me documents with embarassing crap (and tracked changes and comments too) that you first of all don’t deserve to email me or anyone else. How moronic must you be to not double check your work - and SendShield is laughing in one’s face everytime someone uses it.
Remember, there is a little too much bullshit out there and a little too many eager-beavers like GigaOm who love to market crap just because they can. I ain’t buying any of these losertools because I know I’m a little too smart to think I need this crap.
